The mind...

The mind is a beautiful thing.
Full of ideas and thoughts.
Yet so full of criticism and negativity.
By nature we as humans are programmed to judge.
Whether we choose to is a different story entirely.
No two people are the same.
Yet we all still try to compare ourselves to one another.

The mind is a complex thing.
Composed of nerves and triggers to these nerves.
But is is our job to decide which actions to take or simply what to say.
We can't rely on someone else to decide for us.
We can't expect that things will take care of themselves.
We have to simply think and do.
Yet it's these decisions that are hard, they decide who we have decided to be.

The mind is an imperfect thing.
It isn't programmed to be able to handle everything at once.
It is flawed and needs rest to recharge for another day.
Even though it has plenty of room for options and endless possibilities.
It isn't capable of just randomly selecting one.
It needs control and structure.
Once you've decided who you want to be, you can control your own mind.

The mind is an impartial thing.
It gives us the choice to be fair.
We are all born sinners but have the choice to change that.
We are all given free will to decide who we are going to be.
The question "Who am I?" isn't always easy to answer.
But the question "Who do you want to be?" is.
Life is a journey and it's decisions aren't always easy to make, but at least we get the choice to decide.

The Same

Just a little something that I wrote. Maybe I'll start doing more of these but less sappy and depressing. More like my thoughts, like a video diary sort of thing. 

Out of place but hopeful.

Today has been really weird and I don't know if it's because it's the first day I've had Monday classes since last semester. But I do know that it sucked big time. I can't help but feeling kinda lost. It sucks when you feel like you should fit in, or already a part of something, but at the same time you don't. I'm on the gargoyle staff as multimedia editor and quite help but feel a little out of my comfort zone, in a different territory. I love video and producing it. But its hard when it's news related and it's hard to contribute all kinds of ideas when everyone has already done them or they think its stupid. I just feel a little off about it. Maybe this feeling will pass when the rest of the staff can make better use of me. Just as long as credit is given where it is deserved. Oh well, at least I will be getting paid for it hopefully. Still trying to figure out all the logistics but it's a work in progress. Thank God Playlist Live is soon and I will be in my own element again. I hope I will the same way about my future job profession. That I will feel comfortable and in my own element, loving what I do and doing it because I love it. Driven by passion and a desire to be a part of something that is bigger than me. 

A poem I wrote the other night at 2am

Torn

It sucks

Wanting to be with you

Wanting to be in her shoes

It’s a place

Where there are no windows

Where time stands still

Yet I’m falling

Falling into the abyss

Falling far from any sort of bliss

This place

That has no end

That takes away my friend

She sucks

But I can’t hate her

No matter how hard I’ve tried

Because I want you to be happy

Even though I wish it was with me

Even though I know it will never be

I think of you

All the good that you do

All the moments we’ve had

I treasure you

With every fiber of my being

I long to hold you

My love

Burns deep like a flame

Though I’m scared to say your name

Time flies

The years go by like days

Though my love will never change

Yet I’m fading

Fading from this thought of being torn

Fading from this heart, I still call yours 

College Updates, and Thoughts

Listen, It's been quite some time, and this semester is quickly becoming the most overwhelming semester thus far. Trying to finish college is an intense and stressful process. All I do are projects. Film, and graphic design for advertising are the most time consuming. Also papers and lots of them relating to media and ethical issues. I'll be glad when this is all said and done, where i can just get the adobe suite and final cut and just edit all the things. play on illustrator and just simply CREATE.  That is my life's goal. I just want to create and be a part of the film making process and work with the people. Be the directors assistant and communicate effectively. It's been great so far, the learning aspect of it all. But things aren't as easy and I've had to put forth more time, effort, and dedication than I ever thought I would have in college. I'm a junior. This is my third year and I'm so close to the actual work force I can taste it. Deadlines may be the death of me. But at least I will be able to say that I have accomplished what I want to in life. And that getting a good education had a lot to do with it. That's all I have to say for now. 

College, Packing, and Adulthood

So, for the past couple of days I have started some new goals and continued with some old ones. Here is a list of things I have been up too, and things I have yet to accomplish. 

• Packing
• College
• Working retail
• Cut my hair
• Writing a fiction novel
• Writing a few songs
• Learning to play piano
• Editing youtube videos
• Painting my nails
• Drinking Coffee
• Sleeping

Nostalgia, Teenagers, and Life

This past weekend has made me realize quite a few things about myself. For starters, my parents and grandparents friend Mr. Billy came down to florida from north carolina, and he brought his daughter Eppie and her friend Bailey. They are 15 and 16 years old. And since I am a good person and friend, I had to entertain them and make friends with them. However, my little 12 year old cousin Tristen was over the entire time and I can only handle him for so long because he is obnoxious and persistent and never shuts up. At all. It's infuriating to say the least. So not only did I go to sleep with a massive headache, but woke up with one as well because not even 30 minutes after I woke up this morning, he was back over at my house. So lets review a couple things. I now realize just how old I actually am. Being 20 is wonderful but it comes with a strangely different kind of feeling. Being around 16 year olds make me feel like I'm in a completely different world. But its almost nostalgic considering that I used to be them. Well, in their element you could say. So here is to being an adult but still having fun with people who are good company.